Okay, I will start off by saying that this is not an issue for all women of color. However, it annoys others and myself to no end when women of other races want to constantly touch our hair and make it the topic of conversation as if it is some strange phenomenon. Personally speaking, it implies that people of color have abnormal hair. There is nothing abnormal about it. Some people of color just have different textures of hair and want to be left alone to be our natural BEAUTIFUL selves.

I decided to go natural several years ago and enjoyed this style up until last summer when I decided to go back to processed. It didn’t work out for me so I decided to go back natural.  Ladies of every race and ethnicty, we all know our one common truth as women is excercising our right to change our minds or try something new.

On my job, I get along great with my co-workers, but it gets to be annoying when the only two women of color in our department get to be the topic of conversation regarding our hair.  To speak up about this annoyance places us in a position to be considered “Black Woman” agressive or hyper race sensitve.  To not speak up means to endure an office gathering of women each wanting to take turns touching our hair and listening to their hair opinions.  One woman even suggested to the other female of color (who has dreads) that she would love to just comb out her hair.  She then suggested to me that I would look great with a weave or wig just like another woman of color who works upstairs.  REALLY!!!! Stop it people!!! This can be racially offensive even if it is not intended. Please respect our space and do not make a spectacle out of our differences or offer your suggestions as to how we can make our hair more like yours. It implies that you enjoy a superior sense of normality versus others considered to be abnormal because they are different from you. We all are different in so many ways. It’s a great thing to celebrate both the commonalities and differences, but not to the extent where women of color should be forced to indulge in your curiosities and unsolicited opinions for personal appeasement.

If you work on this now, you can teach your kids how to be respectful of others. This will allow them to look at people as just people who are different…none better or worse for their differences, just different.  Thank you in advance for treating myself and others with the same respect as I would hope you would want for yourself.  As for women of color, we will continue to enjoy our God-given natural beauty while appreciating the beauty in you as well.  What say you?

Blessings and Inspiration,

Shannon Ayers Speaks

“With judging eyes watching, the drama runs deep as the girls struggle with living up to the expectations of their parents and their congregations. As temptation, redemption, guilt and the path to right and wrong collide, will these preachers’ daughters choose sin or salvation?” 

You just read an excerpt taken from an advertisement on MyLifetime.com for the reality series, Preachers’ Daughters that is currently in its second season.  I must say that this show disturbs me on so many levels.  Being the parent of a preacher’s three daughters, I could not imagine putting our girls on display for the world to share in their indiscretions.  Not only do these kids experience a certain level of scrutiny that the average church kid does not, now the world gets to judge these young ladies as well.  You have to wonder if they have possibly kicked it up a notch since the cameras are rolling.  What is truly the purpose and how can this be beneficial to their spiritual walk?

If I am honest, I indulge in a reality show or two myself and can therefore understand the fascination with watching people’s lives unfold before our eyes.  It just really bothers me that these young ladies are not adults, they are children who are not mature enough to make a decision about putting their lives on full display and who will forever be just a Google away from view.  I would be really interested in interviewing these young ladies about five to ten years from now to see how they feel about their behavior as teens being televised.  The same should be said about Honey Boo Boo and other kids who are basically exploited for entertainment purposes, it just doesn’t seem right to me.  What say you?

Blessings and Inspiration,

Shannon Ayers Speaks

Most people that follow gospel music know Tina and Erica Campbell as the award winning, gospel singing sensation, Mary Mary.  They are currently in the third season of their reality tv series chronicling their lives and music career.  The latest buzz regarding this gospel duo is Tina Campbell candidly speaking about her husband’s affair.  Tina fully disclosed details regarding her husband’s infidelity in an interview with Ebony magazine.  She also chose to forgive her husband and try to work things out with him to keep their family together.

She recently did another interview where she disclosed how she shared in the responsibility of her husband’s unfaithfulness.  She mentioned how she put her kids first, that she was controlling and selfish.  She mentioned how at times she did not treat him respectfully.  Since then, there has been much chatter in cybersphere criticizing Tina for her comments and admission.  This was really shocking to me that she would be so heavily criticized for speaking her truth.

Lay off of Tina and let her live her truth and heal in a way that is best for she and her family.  Don’t judge her because you don’t fully understand her admitted role in the demise of her marriage.  In no way did she give him a pass for cheating.  Anyone in a mature adult relationship should understand that in no way is infidelity acceptable under any kind of circumstances.  He has taken full responsibility and admitted to his cowardice for what he did.  Allow her situation to be an encouragement to either help you heal from your own situation or not end up having the same experience.

Men and women have to know how to treat their significant other with respect, intimacy and companionship.  In other words, you should do everything in your power to maintain a healthy and fulfilled relationship.  Ladies, we should not demean and emasculate our men because we are educated with a good job.  It also means being intimately available and yes, vulnerable too.  And remember, take care of your kids but keep your husband as a priority.  Those kids grow up to have their own lives.  Men, you should not be dismissive, insensitve and disrespectful to your lady.  It also means communicating and sharing openly instead of just talking with your friends.  When your lady is intimately available you should not take that as a license to make that the most significant part of your relationship.  For both men and women alike, keep God at the center of your relationship which will help you both identify a healthy balance of what it takes to keep the relationship solid.  What say you?

Blessings and Inspiration,

ShannonAyersSpeaks