Okay, I will start off by saying that this is not an issue for all women of color. However, it annoys others and myself to no end when women of other races want to constantly touch our hair and make it the topic of conversation as if it is some strange phenomenon. Personally speaking, it implies that people of color have abnormal hair. There is nothing abnormal about it. Some people of color just have different textures of hair and want to be left alone to be our natural BEAUTIFUL selves.
I decided to go natural several years ago and enjoyed this style up until last summer when I decided to go back to processed. It didn’t work out for me so I decided to go back natural. Ladies of every race and ethnicty, we all know our one common truth as women is excercising our right to change our minds or try something new.
On my job, I get along great with my co-workers, but it gets to be annoying when the only two women of color in our department get to be the topic of conversation regarding our hair. To speak up about this annoyance places us in a position to be considered “Black Woman” agressive or hyper race sensitve. To not speak up means to endure an office gathering of women each wanting to take turns touching our hair and listening to their hair opinions. One woman even suggested to the other female of color (who has dreads) that she would love to just comb out her hair. She then suggested to me that I would look great with a weave or wig just like another woman of color who works upstairs. REALLY!!!! Stop it people!!! This can be racially offensive even if it is not intended. Please respect our space and do not make a spectacle out of our differences or offer your suggestions as to how we can make our hair more like yours. It implies that you enjoy a superior sense of normality versus others considered to be abnormal because they are different from you. We all are different in so many ways. It’s a great thing to celebrate both the commonalities and differences, but not to the extent where women of color should be forced to indulge in your curiosities and unsolicited opinions for personal appeasement.
If you work on this now, you can teach your kids how to be respectful of others. This will allow them to look at people as just people who are different…none better or worse for their differences, just different. Thank you in advance for treating myself and others with the same respect as I would hope you would want for yourself. As for women of color, we will continue to enjoy our God-given natural beauty while appreciating the beauty in you as well. What say you?
Blessings and Inspiration,
Shannon Ayers Speaks
shannonayersspeaks 
I have never thought of it that way, but it’s true! A lot of people do that and they don’t think twice! I would never touch another person unless asked and I certainly wouldn’t ask to touch someone’s hair just because of it uniqueness, style or any other reason.
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Absolutely! It’s hard enough to feel comfortable in your own skin without someone else wanting to paw at you like you’re an alien being. I love that you delve into these types of topics! Shannon Ayers Speaks is definitely my favorite new blog.
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One of my many regrets is actually around this very issue.
I was in college and talking to a beautiful woman of color who had a talent for doing her hair in really interesting and unique ways. Being ignorant of the sensitivity around this issue, I directed conversation around her hair and was asking all kinds of questions. I am Caucasian with board-straight hair and my hair doesn’t do anything but pony tails.
I had a ton of curious questions and instead of realizing that the person I was talking to had feelings on this issue, I just kept asking questions. My heart was in the right place, at least I thought it was, but I hurt her very deeply. I didn’t understand when our friendship abruptly ended because of this insensitivity on my part.
Years later I still regret it and wish I could heal that moment in time for both of us.
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As a woman of color I find it hard to get angry with those who inquire/touch if I didn’t state in advance my comfort level. Though it is a sensitive issue for many women, I see this as an avenue to educate others on hair patterns and ways to maintain ethnic hair. I do not believe for a minute that you or others mean any malice and it is a post like this that will help others understand how to properly approach the situation.
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Hi Jazzy,
Thank you for commenting on my post. I definitely understand your point. My issue is that women of color should be placed in a position where we have to let people know that we are uncomfortable with them touching our hair uninvited. I have no problem with educating others, but it should not be on open display as though our hair is a showpiece up for discussion. My main concern is that for myself and my girls (3), we should not have to feel obligated to answer questions on the spot regarding the texture of our hair in terms of an explanation as if it is some strange thing. For a co-worker to make a statement that she would like to comb out another co-workers dreads in front of the entire office is crossing the line a bit. We do not go around making a spectacle out of other women with straight hair. The same co-worker that I just mentioned is relatively young and has a head full of grey hair at her roots that she dyes every chance she gets. It would not be comfortable to make an issue out of that in front of others because she would be embarrassed. We have to learn how to be respectful of others. I am more interested in educating people of this fact even before educating them on ethnic hair. It is just a common courtesy and respect to understand that there are differences in all people, none greater and none less but all should be respected.
You are indeed correct that no malice at all is intended. It just is a bit frustrating at times being placed in what appears sometimes to be an impossible situation. I am hoping that others will read my post and at least have an open heart of understanding as to why this behavior is unacceptable. Please continue to follow me at http://www.ShannonAyersSpeaks.com. Thank you again for taking the time to share your views. I hope to hear from you again.
Blessings and Inspiration,
Shannon Ayers Speaks
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Good to know. I’m not a touchy person, so I wouldn’t ever touch another person’s hair without some reason to. I didn’t know this could be an issue. interesting. thanks.
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ROFL.. Shannon.. you have said something here.. I have a natural.. it is pressed in the winter and curly in the summer.. I don’t have too many ladies touching my hair.. the thing that gets me is when a man has the audacity to touch my hair.. I can’t stand that.. lol.. Now considering the ladies.. I’ve only dealt with a lady touching my FRESH braids once.. I snapped on her.. why? Well it hurt.. don’t touch my head PERIOD after just getting fresh micro braid done. My head was already on FIYAH!! lol.. Had to sleep sitting up, because the braids were so tight. (Which I wanted because they last longer).. lol.. I guess after that I put a sign out there in the atmosphere that “Shalonda’s hair is not to be touched”.. I see your point completely.. I see it with my oldest daughter who comes home from school and states all my ‘friends’ touched my hair today.. I kind of look at her and say.. “where have their hands been??”.. She gives me this crazy look.. I always say.. I wouldn’t let people touch my fresh pressed hair.. yet that’s just me.”.. I notice her walking away with thinking.. which is what I want her to do.. Think about it!! Great point.. and bold post.. I love it.. keep smiling
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Sgordon394,
Your comments do indeed make me smile. So glad to know someone understands and agrees. What people don’t understand is that when this is done to kids, they process this differently and sometimes attributes these violations as questions about their self worth. I am hopeful that those who make this mistake will learn how to better respect those with differences. Thank you once again for making me smile and for following http://www.ShannonAyersSpeaks.com.
Blessings and Inspiration,
Shannon Ayers
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Tastes and colors are not discussed !!
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Hi Marius,
Thanks for responding to my post. Would you please expound on your comment for further clarification of the your intended point. Bid you haven’t done so already, please follow me at the bottom of this page for future posts from http://www.ShannonAyersSpeaks.com.
Blessings and Inspiration,
Shannon Ayers Speaks
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I will say “Amen” from the choir!! I love my natural hair, this is what I was blessed with coming into this world and its what i’ll leave it with also. I decided about 8 years ago to stop ruining my hair with all of these products on the market today enticing women of color to use to give them that false sense of normality. You best believe that as a black woman, you are a special and unique human being, hence the reason why men and woman of different races are spending tons of money to get “our look.” If the Lord wanted me different, He would have made me so., believe me I’m extremely thankful He decided to make me just the way I am!!!
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Thank you for reading and posting your thoughts. I appreciate your expression of being comfortable in your “skin”. Continue to walk in your truth of who you are and whose your are. Please continue to follow for future posts at http://www.ShannonAyersSpeaks.com.
Blessings and Inspiration,
Shannon Ayers Speaks
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